i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
