You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
