Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i now understand why vodka
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
