I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
