so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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