just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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