Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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