did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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