Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
