Define "chronic" masturbator.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
