I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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