what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
