Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
