Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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