Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
