im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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