I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
