No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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