So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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