So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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