So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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