I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize