areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
