so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
