he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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