You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
