You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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