So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
