My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
