the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I could make wine with my vomit
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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