I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
