so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
