You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
