I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
