Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
