My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
