Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
