Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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