The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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