The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
