i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
