I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ttyl tear gas
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
