there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
