Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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