Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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