Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
