My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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