you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
