Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
