They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
