My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
