Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I need water and some morals
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
