Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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