go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
