Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize