Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
