dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
