Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
