he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
