i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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