I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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