College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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