i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
