you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
