Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
