Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
