It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
