She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i out mim tonsoeep
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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