My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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