I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have post one night stand depression
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
