you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Girls should come with a carfax report
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
